Allison Howard – Walking heart

OK, so sometimes I find myself in heated discussions without understanding how I actually got there. This usually occurs at family gatherings, and it is mostly me reacting to something my brothers bait me about so they can all laugh later about how “crazy Allison is”. Other times I don’t even realise I am having an argument until either me or the other person starts crying. 

For example, I found myself arguing a very odd topic with an in-law of mine regarding something that use to happen in my home town as a child. I found myself debating about an unofficial road “rule” that existed. It was an unwritten rule, that whilst sitting at a red light you were able cross the traffic or go straight ahead against the stop signal, ONLY, if there was no oncoming traffic. Seems harmless enough right? So, how did that get me into an argument? Well my sister in-law (SIL) refused to believe that this colloquial traffic manoeuvre did in fact exist, to the point where she believed that my brother (whom confirmed its’ existence) and I were lying to her. 

Now, this incorrect road behaviour, was adjusted back in the early 90’s, way before my brother and his beloved had ever met, and to help with this law adjustment there was a large publicity campaign about what to do at the lights. The council even erected signs at each intersection instructing the correct thing to do when facing a red light, that still remain today. This was all in aid to help the poor confused local drivers change to the new way, and come in line with the rest of the country. When I pointed this out and queried that if the local rule did not exist why would there be signs on each intersection, telling everyone what to do? This observation got her even more incensed, and I could see at that moment her heels digging right into what she felt her own truth was, regardless of the actual reality. 

Honestly, I am not really sure why this rule bothered her so much, and why she got so upset. Maybe it was the shock of her realising that I might actually be right for once (this surprises me also), I don’t know, and well at the time I did not really care. It was actually just nice not being the “emotional” person in the argument for once. But later, it did get me thinking how events or occurrences that happen when we are younger are all up for interpretation. I mean, what was real for me and my brother, was not real for my SIL. 

This can happen with anything thing, as memory is so influenced by (generally speaking), physical attendance, emotion, personal opinion and culture, that the accuracy of even the smallest element such as a road rule can be up for debate. What is interesting here is when a truth is denied or flatly refused. This can be upsetting especially in the family dynamic. For example what happened with an older sister may be the complete opposite for the younger sibling, thus the expression “if it didn’t happen to me, then it couldn’t have happened to you.” My question here is, well what if it did?  

With this, it has got me wondering about our own truths and histories, and what we are prepared to believe in our own life’s journey. Or better still, who is ready to hear these truths? You see my SIL fervently believed the road rule did not exist because she never experienced it, so of course to her it was not true. But to my brother and I the rule was a very real thing, that was performed on a daily basis. Driving to school or the shops, my parents would happily glide across the Highway through a red light without even blinking an eye, it was normal for us, but for my poor SIL it was not, and quite frankly just flat out wrong and untrue. 

You see, this can happen for anything; with the distance of time, different perspectives, temperaments and realities, truths or the interpretation of events can alter with each individual. The problem is finding the patients to accept a perceived reality, this can become challenging, perhaps even difficult to manage depending on the event. As I get older I feel a big part of life is navigating this space and attempting to hold on to my own truth no matter how trivial or unbelievable it may seem to others.

Now, unfortunately, the “Unofficial road rule” discussion came to an unsatisfactory end where my SIL was still adamant that the rule did not exist and upset at both my brother and myself, and with me in my usual confused, and heightened state, questioning the universe, of how did I end up here in the first place? It was a ridiculous argument, that didn’t need to occur. Only because someone refused to believe something that happened many years ago, and I, in my bewilderment refused to acquiesce to the opposition. 

Now, of course everything calmed down after a couple glasses of wine and several conversation topics later. But even now several months after this refusal to accept a truth, the concept seems so strange to me. Not upsetting, because the topic was not an intense one, (for me anyway,) but it was strange to be confronted with someone whom refused to be open enough to the possibility of this law even existing. I can’t help but wonder about what type of resistance can occur when “difficult” truths come to light, and how to manage this. 

With my digging for pippies series, I feel, this could be a space I am moving towards and will have to navigate this type of energy. Lucky for me I have only minimal readers and none of which are related to me (barring a few friends), so I wont have to worry too much about family conflict when speaking my truth here on this platform. However, regardless of my familial anonymity, I am conscious of this element, and also have to acknowledge the space for other truths that are not my own. Meaning, in regards to the traffic light debate, at the time, I should of used a more gentle language and not be so disssmissive. I needed to treat this refusal as something more than simply the denial of a road rule, but view this truth as a reality that was causing another person considerable distress, for whatever reason that may have been. 

In terms of other events or happenings that are dug up from the past, I am considering the language and the possibility of my truth being at odds with the memories of other people I have been involved with, and how they believe their journey unfolded as apposed to mine. What I must do here, is stay strong in my truth no matter how vehement the denial may be, and also hopefully stay curious and sensitive to the other persons truth along side my own. 

These thoughts have inspired my latest illustration titled “Traffic lights” water colour and felt pen on paper – This is a depiction of one of the intersections that was in the heated debate during this particular family gathering. I did want to do a more complex painting but nothing was coming out right, and I really wanted to move past this writing, so I went with my original sketch. Sometimes the first thing you do is the best.

I will leave you now, with a quote from the great writer of Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle – 

“Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable must be the truth.”

Hope you are all having a wonderful start to May. xoxo