Allison Howard – Walking heart

This might read to some of you as a bit of a strange admission, but I am not really that fussed about Football (AFL). I am only admitting this, as right at the moment (in Victoria Australia), we are currently neck deep in all the hysteria that is the Grand Final Week. This week is so hyped up that even in the state of Victoria we have a public holiday in the name of this sport, so I am sure you can imagine what is happening. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy the sport, I have gone to games and jumped up and down yelling louder than the best of them, it is nearly impossible to not be influenced by the vibration of the crowd and the thrill of competition. But when on occasion, that I do find myself squeezed into a packed out pub or Footy BBQ “watching the game”, I get this vague feeling like I have just wandered down the wrong street, but find myself looking at the shops anyway. 

One thing I do love about sport, in general, is watching and listening to fans, dressing up and getting excited, spouting out names and stats that really don’t mean anything to me, but I nod along anyway. It is similar to the feeling you get when listening to a child speak about playing a Roblox computer game, I don’t understand it, and well, it’s not super interesting. However, it is awesome seeing someone speak and chatter so enthusiastically about something they love, it simply gives me joy. 

Now, one thing I always recall from my verbally loose days, is that with my detached state described above, it can be a great tool for assimilating to a certain time and space, but it also can have a negative effect on people that are really attached to a certain team or event. In short with this dislocation, I am not really able to “read the room”.  

You see every year at the same time, I distinctly remember jibing someone about their team loosing “the game” but inadvertently delivered an insult so grand that the poor gentleman was left floundering and speechless, with his stature visibly collapsing has he started to cry into his hands. I can’t remember what I actually said, but my poor brother who was with me at the time, was utterly embarrassed and later strongly chastised me for my insensitive behaviour. For me I had no idea what I had done to cause such devastation, and as my brother muttered his apologies and condolences towards this person, all I could do was stand there shocked, unable to fully comprehend what had just happened. 

I never actually apologised to that person, and well it happened so long ago I can’t even remember his name or what he really looked like. All I can remember, is that I devastated someone with my insensitivity due to lack of knowledge and understanding. However, now I get a glimmer of what had really happened that day, and I feel slightly regretful of what I had done to that poor young man.  

You see, this is not an isolated concept, this lack of knowledge or insight is not only reserved for sport or myself, but can occur in anyone for anything. This type of insensitivity is the result of people not being able to understanding or unable to have the capacity to comprehend where someone is on their own journey, due to the simple fact that they have not experienced the event or action in a complete way.

One example I have, is that over the last several years I have found myself getting annoyed with people that put their own ideas of how to parent my child, on to me. My favourite, is people who do not have children of their own, judging or criticising people who do. Now I understand that everyone is allowed to have an opinion regardless of their parental status, but it is kind of like someone not watching the game, but afterwards telling everyone why the team had lost, what they did wrong, and how they should fix their problem. 

I find this particular lack of knowledge and understanding similar to the one I have towards football. I have never played it and really not terribly interested in doing so. I occasionally watch or listen to a game which is nice but thats as far as my commitment to football goes. However, other people see it as a fun, amazing game and are so passionate about it, it takes over their life, which is nice for them, I just choose not to be involved. The only difference between this and the unsolicited opinion on my parenting, is that I don’t go round telling other football enthusiasts the correct way to play the game.

Now, you have to know, I am not above criticism here, when I was a lot younger, before I had my own child, before I “knew”, I lost a friendship due to this very thing. I judged and put my opinion on a struggling young Mum that was trying her utmost to keep her babies loved and safe, as well as trying to keeping her own identity. At the time I had no idea how hard that struggle was, because I had not lived the experience, and just like I was to the football fan, I was insensitive and careless, in voice and attitude. I now understand why she broke away from me, I get it, and feel a little embarrassed how wrong I was and regret that the friendship ended do to my lack of understanding. But I did not know the game that was being played, I thought I did, but I really didn’t. looking back now it was the right thing for her to do, and I feel pleased that she put herself first, because that is the hardest goal to kick, especially in this parenting game. 

So, now I am facing this very similar delma, and I find myself asking the question, how can I play a game with someone that doesn’t understand or even want know the rules? Unfortunately I do not have an answer to that question right now, maybe it will come to me in time. I guess what I must do is take the example of my young Mum friend, choose myself, and hopefully one day we will find each other on the same playing field once again.

These thoughts have inspired my latest illustration titled “The Game”. I was having a little fun with this one and I gave myself a sporty body. I hope everyone is enjoying the start to the weekend, and that whatever they are playing I hope you all win. Stay safe and be well my friends.